So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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