He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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