my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
