if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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