I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
