I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Green mimosas i think yes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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