All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
