fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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