Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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