I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
