I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
