I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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