Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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