Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
