He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
