If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
