he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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