Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
