No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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