Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
