party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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