If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
