i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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