i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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