Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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