i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
