she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
