when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
