Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
