You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
