did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
