I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
