if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
