oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
