Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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