I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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