We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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