2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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