I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
