Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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