It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
