I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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