He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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