hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
