I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
