we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
