I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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