her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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