Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
