This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
