OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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