Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We need to rekindle our bromance
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
