You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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