PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
